01/31/14 Post Weigh In

I went to my WW meeting last night thinking I didn't lose any weight at all. I had a couple of bad days, nutrition, and my home scale didn't show a loss. So, imagine my surprise when I got on the scale and found out I lost 5.4 pounds! Crazy!
Feelings: Happy, proud. I feel that I still lost weight due to taking a more active approach to daily activity. I'm not yet exercising. But I am taking the stairs instead of elevators, the little things like that. Walking around more when I take the dogs outside.
Stephen: I went to the cemetery on Monday. It was sad, but not as bad as in the past. Another lady in the courthouse I work in lost her son over the weekend, a car/train accident. He was also 24. It really hits home. I can empathize with her, and that is what compelled me to visit Stephen's crash site and headstone. I miss him so much.
Weekend: Superbowl Sunday - what to say, I'm sure it will be interesting. Spending at my daughter's house. My grandson Thye is celebrating his fifth birthday. I'm sure I will eat way too much!!!
Trey is coming tomorrow and staying until Monday morning. It will be fun! He is so much like his daddy, and he has a lot of his mom's traits too. I see Stephen in him when I talk to him. It's precious.
This week I  have had to battle cravings more than usual. Chocolate is not the enemy, oh wait, yes it is!!

The photo is of myself and Trey this past summer.

01/29/2014 Ooops

Had a great time at ScrapFest with my daughter this past weekend. Time just slipped away. I meant to blog, but wow, this week is going to fast. I'm having problems with feeling hungry this week. Seems like that's all I want to do, eat - eat - eat. And not the good for me kinds of things. Wanted chocolate SO BAD. But, this morning I found that I forgot to apply a new hormone patch Monday. That could have something to do with it. I'm going to leave you with the word "Inspiration". What inspires you? I'm going to think through this, really think through - and see what I can come up with.

01/22/2014

Back to work after a day off. Shouldn't I feel more refreshed? I wonder if I will ever know what it's like to NOT feel tired most of the time. Today & yesterday have been full of good choices (diet). Yesterday was a pretty lazy day, although I am pretty lazy all the time. That's part of my problem. I need to get up and do more. I keep saying as soon as it doesn't hurt so much again i will. Already though I can stand a little longer before my back starts to hurt. I can do little things easier. Maybe it's a mindset, maybe it's real. I don't care which it is, it's working and so I'm not going to mess with it.
I watched "My 600 Pound Life" last night. This episode featured a lady named Penny. I found myself getting angry with her. She has all these tools and support at her disposal, yet she had such a poor attitude. It felt as if she wanted to have the gastric bypass surgery, then wake-up and all her weight would be gone and her problems float away. That's not the way it works. She could make an effort. And her husband, sneaking food to her in the hospital?? That's just wrong.
Attitude: Pretty good actually.
Feelings: positive. Tomorrow is weigh in and I sure do hope the scale is kind. I hope I've done the proper things. I know it's a process, and it takes time. I've let myself down so many times before that it is hard to be confident. I need to remind myself, "do or die, do or die".
Work: Going pretty well. The jail only has a few inmates left, I'm sure that once it warms up it will fill up again. Seems like when it gets hot the tempers do too. Dispatching has been rewarding. I talked with an elderly lady the other day while she was waiting for help to arrive, she was trapped in her vehicle after a roll-over accident, and came away with some knee pain is all. Calls like that make me feel like what we do makes a difference.
Stephen: I'm sure missing him. Kurt is planning his birthday party, and Stephen was so looking forward to that. Also, talking to Trey's mom, trying to figure out visitation for February and March. I am thankful she works with us and has been generous with the time we get to see him.

Photo of myself with Hailo

01/20/2014 Today - not so great

WTF got into me. I ate and ate, and I'm still hungry. I'm over on points, and have not had a proper dinner yet. I'm still good as far as the weekly 49 go, I will have to use some of them for dinner. Wow. Marie Callendar came out with a single size chocolate cake, with frosting. It is delicious. I could just eat the frosting, actually. So good. And then I started logging all the bites and little bit here and there I ate today. Before I knew it, my points were gone. Not a good day, I would say.
Feelings: Happy I caught on to what I was doing so I could stop the binge before it got worse. Angry with myself for having the binge in the first place. Tired, as usual.  Lonely.
Work: Going well. Working again tonight, then have tomorrow off. Can't wait, want to just sleep, but I'm sure my bulldog, Cassie, won't let me. She has her own agenda on her own schedule.
Thoughts: Relieved Michael didn't freak out about how high his power bill was. He even paid me already.
Diet: well, as stated above, not so great today. But I'm picking up right here right now and not going to beat myself up about it. I am hungry, so I will have a salad as well as a cup of peaches.
Attitude: Strong, not defeated.
Stephen: More drama from the ladies in his life. Seems like they can't seem to leave each other alone. He's gone, and yet the drama continues.
Note to self - get in touch with Dani ref getting Trey for Thye b'day, Kurt b'day, and also for Zoo / Trey b'day.

01/19/2014

Today....... Back to work. One day weekends sure do go fast! I feel like I have eaten so much, though my points show that I have plenty left. Yesterday I ate butternut squash with spray "butter". That was so good, especially paired up with the meatballs (5 pts). So good!
I'm rather tired today. I'm also noticing that my vision isn't up to snuff. It's hard to read the computer screens. I made sure my glasses were clean, check. I checked my blood sugar, 131 so that's not it. Wonder what's up with that.
I should probably think of some better titles than today's date. But hmm,,,,,, what to say, what to say.
Feelings: bored, lonely, hungry
Exercise: none
Sticking to plan: excellent
Family: Sounds like everyone is doing good. If no news is good news that is. Haven't heard from my daughter in a couple of days. But that's just kind of how it goes. We will talk a lot, multiple times a day, then I won't hear anything for a week or more.
Scrapfest is coming up on Saturday. I'm getting excited. I hope I get a lot accomplished! If nothing else, it is time well spent with Kristin. No kids, no husbands. Just us and a bunch of other ladies with similar interests.

01/17/2014 Weigh in and then some

I had my second Weight Watchers meeting tonight. It was the first time in years and years I was anxious and excited to get on a scale. I wasn't let down, either. I lost 8.8 pounds. Great first week. I realize that the first few weeks are usually the honeymoon. But I am bound and determined to make it work this time. I am writing this blog, and not making it private - so I must triumph over this "disease: (obesity).
For lunch today, we ordered out. We do this a lot on Friday's. Since where I work we don't get breaks, well - let's say we have working breaks - we have to eat in between calls and crisis'. So when there are two of us, like most Friday's, we like to splurge a little. Today I had a turkey monterey sandwich. No sauces. And potato salad for a side. The potato salad was 8 points, the sandwich 7. Completely doable. In the future, when my point allotment is lower, the potato salad probably will no longer be an option. But, I do keep forgetting that I have the weekly 49 points that I can use. I did not use any of them last week. I keep thinking I'm saving them for something special, or a bad splurge day. Or I don't know what. It's like money in the bank. However, it does not carry over. What you do not use does not go into a savings account. That part kind of sucks, but I can see the rationale behind it. Talk about a binge that could set you back!! I definitely don't need any kind of set backs at all.
We ate out twice last week, and I still managed to make decent choices. Yay me!!
Feelings: I feel happy, tired, proud, frustrated. Go figure. I am happy I lost the weight. Happy with my choices lately. Proud of the progress I've been making. Tired from not getting enough sleep, or forgetting to wear my CPAP the past two nights. Frustrated with my husband. I'm not really sure why. On the flip side of the frustration, he is my biggest supporter. Making a huge effort to cook the kinds of things that I want to eat. Backing off on some of the cheese. Lightening up favorite dishes. Trying new lighter recipes he finds.

Since this blog is relatively new, I suppose I should write a bit about Stephen. Since I mention him and how his death has affected us all. On June 21st 2013, he went to a street dance in a town about 40 miles from home, about 20 miles from us. He had a designated driver lined up, his roommate. So, thinking his ride home was covered, he drank a lot of alcohol. Witnesses at the dance had differing stories. Some said he wasn't that bad, other's said he was falling down. They all agree that he told Josh he wanted to go just as soon as he finished his drink. So, Josh & his girlfriend thought they had enough time to sneak away before Stephen would be ready to leave. According to text messages, when Stephen went to his car, Josh was not there. Josh & his girlfriend decided to get high. This angered my son, he then got in his car and decided to drive himself. On his way home, he drove erratically, sometimes in the wrong lane. He then left the road, drove along the ditch on his side of the road, veering further into the ditch. At a point several hundred feet down from where he first left the road, he hit an embankment, causing his car to roll multiple times. landing upside down. The car then caught on fire. According to reports, the car was burning for quite a while before anyone saw it. When firefighters arrived, the car was fully engulfed. Once the fire was put out, they were unable to identify his car. In order to identify it, they had to cut it apart to get to any vin #'s. They were unable to identify my son's identity at the scene of the accident due to his body being too badly burned. When we were notified, the Sheriff and his Deputy told us that they weren't 100% sure it was our son yet, but based on the last registered owner of the cars vin #, and statements from witnesses at the dance and Stephen's roommate, they were 99% percent sure that it was him. They needed his dental information to send to the forensic lab to identify him. The county attorney said that she believed he was deceased before the fire started based on the fact that he had a very substantial head injury. But the autopsy report and death certificate came back as "thermal burns" as the primary, "smoke inhalation" the secondary causes of death.
York Man Dies in Fiery Crash
driver-who-died-in-fiery-crash-identified
after_york_county_crash_one_life_many_losses
http://www.yorknewstimes.com/news/victim-identified-in-fatality-accident/article_6dfae9de-dcd6-11e2-8f77-001a4bcf887a.html
http://www.yorknewstimes.com/family/obituaries/death-stephen-opfer-york-resident/article_110b6d28-dd55-11e2-8674-001a4bcf887a.html
One life, many losses

01/16/2014

Today.....
Weight Watchers meeting later today. First time anyone has ever heard me say I can't wait to weigh in. I'm very curious and excited to see how I did this week. I came in under points all week, except yesterday, but I used part of my weekly 49 for that. I've been finding it rather easy thus far. Not ready for the horrid E word yet (exercise).
Work: Going good. Had a problem yesterday, thought I made a pretty serious mistake. Went to my boss about it, told him what had happened. Called up to the court today, and lo and behold - I did it right, did NOT make the mistake I thought. Whoooo..... I need to learn to stop second guessing myself, and also to write down why I do something if it deviates from what the court documents appear to say.
Thoughts: I am very tired today. I did not sleep well at all last night. Woke up an hour early today to my bulldog, Cassie wanting to go out. She was literally pulling my hand. She had to go outside big time! Poor little girl. That set the tone for the day so far. Just tired, I have that feeling you get when you pull an all-nighter or get up way, way too early.
Feelings: Today I am feeling good about my weigh in. Concerned about my son's reaction when he hears how high his part of the electric bill is. Ours wasn't bad at all. We have an all electric house, and our power bill was just under $160. Not bad for winter in Nebraska. Michael's is over $200 more than ours. I guess it does pay to keep the thermostat turned way down after all.
I'm currently hungry for lunch. I have not had any snacks since breakfast, so I am SO ready for lunch!!

#Halftime America with Lee Brice

Picture Of Me

01/13/2014

Attitude today: Pretty good actually. Still holding my head up high. Feeling pretty good about life. Ran into a snag for a minute when looking through some photos.
Thoughts & feelings: Went through some memory cards to send some photos to Dad for editing. Accidentally ran across some photos of Stephen. He was so happy in those pictures. At first glance, I lost my breath. Then I had a couple tears. After that, I was able to smile and remember. But still a little sad.
Diet: Still doing rather good. Every time I notice that I am SO HUNGRY, I check my points, and see that I haven't eaten enough. So, a snack it is and I am happy again. I crunched down an entire cucumber cut into strips dipped into FF Ranch. Such a far cry from chips or candy. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to eat chips. But this will have to do now. It's a change. Until I get myself where I need to be, I do not need to deviate from my plans. I have often slipped back into old habits with that type of thought. One bite of this, a couple of these. That adds up to big problems eventually and then I fall off the wagon and just give up. Of course, I'm only a week or so in, so it's still easy to say. Right now, I feel like my mind really is where it needs to be.
Work: It's been a good day at work. Easy shift. Nothing too exciting. Looking forward to having tomorrow off, though.

01/12/2014

Today's thoughts:
Weight Watchers: is turning out to be more than I had hoped. I'm finding watching points so much easier than counting carbs, fat grams, calories, or anything else. I've been at or below my points all week. I just started this week, so it may be too soon to tell. But I feel good about this.
Stephen: My son Stephen died in a car accident June 21, 2013. I miss him more than anyone can imagine. Like his headstone says, "Death leaves a heartache that no one can heal, Love leaves a memory no on can steal".
Work: I'm filling in tonight and tomorrow night. I'm hoping that isn't a diet sabotage waiting to happen. I made it through the first round of cravings by eating a can of green beans. It doesn't sound to great on here, but it was very good. And, it's three servings of vegetables.
Personal Life: I watched a show about a lady who was nearly 600 pounds today. Watching her struggle and triumphs was very inspiring. And I could relate a lot to many many of the things she was saying.
Starting weight: 297.0