Well, the weekend came and went. My friend got married, it was a pretty wedding, very country. She looked very happy. Everything came together well.

On the flip side, this was the one year anniversary of my son's death. I put it this way to my GTU group on June 22nd, "One year ago yesterday I lost my heart, one year ago today I found out." To e, that really sums up how I've been feeling.

The wedding was hard, but for more than one reason. I didn't feel like I fit in. Everything was ok, just a gentle reminder that I'm an outsider. It seemed like every time I turned around leading up to the big day, I had responsibility taken away. Every time I thought I had something to do, it was given to someone else. I am creative and artistic, but I never got much of a chance to use it. I think I am the bride's best friend, yet I was not in the wedding. I was asked, but it was put to me this way, "You don't want to be in the wedding do you?". My response was, "Well I guess not".  I wonder why she didn't want me in it? It's been nagging at me ever since. But do I speak up, oh no, I just pout about it and keep it to myself. Instead of saying how I feel, I act like it doesn't affect me. But all these little things start to compound, and after a while, it just grows. Resentment and hurt feelings have no place in friendship. I was also hurt that the wedding was on the anniversary of my son's death. It was the single most worst day of my life when he died. The official date of death was June 21 at 1159pm, but to me, it's both days.

I have not weighed in or been to a meeting since the middle of May. Soon, I need to get myself back together.........

Enough for tonight, though.